It's the Simple Things...

Australia definitely has been a land of firsts for me. First time I've ever seen a live Koala, first time I've ever ridden a camel, first time I've ever considered buying skinny jeans, first time I've ever been universally impressed by the quality of the coffee, and first time I've ever thought $16.50 was cheap for a dinner meal. More importantly than these, I have finally found something I thought previously impossible. That fickle friend fate has united me with quite possibly the most revolutionary, life-changing invention of my time: An efficient ketchup packet.

I don't hold grudges, and it's extremely difficult to find things in life that I actually hate. I'm usually that noncommittal, non-extreme kind of friend with whom you have to judge their feelings about an issue based on their interchangeable and consistent use of words like "nice, awesome, probably, and sure- I could do that." Let me be clear: I hate ketchup packets. It's not a brand thing, it's a universal hatred.  They are one of most consistent banes of my existence to date. Maybe no one else ever finds themselves using these things, but I have come across these damn packets enough times to warrant writing this post. Let me be clear: I despise Ketchup packets and am constantly on the lookout for ways to avoid coming into contact with these vile things, with quite the same vigor as David Hasselhoff attacked that now infamous cheeseburger. I could choose to hate drying off with a wet towel, or the feeling of seaweed around my leg, or something infinitely more distasteful and actually worth hating, but to date the ketchup packet remains my number one on a list of “Things that make me act like The Hulk.”#Firstworldproblems.

Let me quickly underline my reasons for hatred to prove it's not unjustified:

1. They Suck.
2. They are messy.
3. They really Suck.
4. They are difficult to open.
5. NO one ketchup packet has ever provided enough ketchup for more than three french fries.
6. They create unnecessary waste.
7. Give me a bottle of Ketchup like a real person.

See? Perfectly rational.

So here I am one day Down Under casually enjoying yet another delicious steak and mushroom pie when a family member unveils to me the invention that changed my world. I mean a rainbow appeared in the sky, the doves sang, Piers Morgan did not have his own talk show, sports style butt slapping replaced the high-five world wide, and my life now has its own soundtrack. I immediately demanded photos be taken of me using this gem of a condiment packet. There is a specific brand of ketchup packet on offer here in Australia that does three things:

1. Affords the hungry a usable amount of ketchup
2. Is actually convenient and easy to open
3. Makes me smile

This little genius of an invention is actually so simple I can't believe I've never encountered it before elsewhere. The ingenuity lies in the back of the packet, which is in the shape of two separate rectangles each containing their own dash of ketchup (See below). The user effortlessly squeezes the packet together and the ketchup squirts out of the front of the packet mess-free, leaving a large amount of ketchup in a specific spot on your plate.

Well in Australia.

First there was the lightbulb. Then This.

How I felt after using the packet: