Wildlife Center Madness

Last time I checked in, I was waxing lyrical about Four Mile Beach in Port Douglas. My affection for that beach is unwavering and firmly established Port Douglas as one of my favorite beachside spots. And then, just when I thought life couldn't get any better, I discovered the Wildlife Center at Port Douglas, and that was it. The inner nature child in me was unleashed. I was alive with excitement and child like curiosity. Port Douglas instantly became the greatest town since I was made aware of a town in Minnesota named “Dinkytown.”

The nature center brought me straight back to a series of National Geographic videos I used to watch incessantly as a child. And then my Mom said one day, “Andrew, you are 17 years old. I am breaking those damned videos. Go out and find a job.” (Circa Stepbrothers). It was a series covering flora and fauna from different environments around the earth, narrated by a spinning cartoon globe with a noseless face named 'Dudley.' If any of you out there have seen the series, then you'll agree with me when I say those videos are responsible for my so far life-long fascination (albeit a terrified fascination) with animals. The videos contained a special series on the Australian Outback, and this wildlife center presented the opportunity to roam the outback as I dreamt as a child.

Yes.

Armed with a surplus of 'Roo Food,' (notably my first substantial financial contribution of the trip, a grand total of $12), I hit the Wildlife center like a tornado. IT. WAS. AWESOME. Birds, Kangaroos, and Wallabies roamed freely in an epic wildlife extravaganza. It was an epic cocktail of endemic Australian wildlife and as I held the food supply, I held all the power. The animals flocked to me and I responded, showering them with food from their wildest dreams. I had them under my control. Wherever I waltzed, they followed. If I said “jump!” the Kangaroo's competed with each other to see who could jump the highest. Together we meandered, we danced, and I slinked my way down the toe path satisfying the feeding dreams of over five different unique species. In a perfect union of man and nature they respected me and I fed them to their hearts content. As Machiavelli once mused, “Is it better to be feared or loved?” I say, it's best to be in control of the food.

As the perfect ending to a great day, a young Australian guy, who looked like Crocodile Dundee did when he was 17 (or at least I hoped) gave us a comprehensive information session on the Koala, Australia's cutest, but ultimately most useless Marsupial. Because they ONLY eat Eucalyptus leaves, which have the same nutritional value as a box full of funnel cakes, they have to sleep 20 hours a day to conserve energy. The other four hours of the day they slowly hunt for fresh Eucalyptus leaves, and I was confused by the Guide's persistent use of the word “Hunt,” because it's not exactly like the leaves are going to fight back or get up and try to escape. Despite their limited practical use, anyone in their right mind (including me) would be hard pressed to argue that koalas aren't cute as hell. As such, at the end of the info session when we were presented the chance to take an expensive photo holding the Koala, I was naturally the first in line. I even pushed some toddlers out of the way. But I did it. That's right, world, BE JEALOUS. I held a fuzzy, fluffy, koala in my arms. CUTENESS OVERLOAD. My camera almost cracked as a result. I expect the ladies to be queuing up when that picture emerges on facebook. The koala did smell bad, and did try to shit everywhere in between photos, but hey. I would be pooping too if six different people were fawning over me and picking me up and all I wanted to do was pound some leaves and go to sleep. In the end, totally worth it though.

Game Changer