Reflections on the Down and Under

It's that time finally, when all good stories reach their close. There's no epilogue to this narrative, it's pretty cut and dry. Many thousands of miles and some 60 hours of travel later, the Scott family successfully made it to Australia and back. I have honestly enjoyed this opportunity to travel around such a unique country (especially on someone else's dime) and it's been good to spend some time with my family. I've been to the Southern most point of my life to date, held a Koala that made all the ladies love me (now that is a Koalaty picture (credit for that pun goes to a Melbourne Uni Student)), made contact with extended family I've never met, and decided from day one that Australia is heaps o' fun. Here now I offer some reflections on my time Down Under in the hopes that you find it enjoyable and that it inspires you to ignore the time and distance required to get there and find an opportunity to go.

·      Australia is fucking expensive. Plain and simple. Not much you can do about it, and the only thing I can say is that I'm extremely grateful to my parents for bringing me with them and footing the bill.

·      Geographically, It's a huge continent. And extremely diverse. I'd recommend the West Coast just as much as the East.

·      No Starbucks down here, lots of independent cafes. The coffee is universally strong, hot and tasty. I did not have a single bad cup.

·      A 'long black' is not what you think. It's a cup of plain coffee.

·      Just as the coffee is good, so is the quality of the savory pies. I had a meat and vegetable pie combo in five different territories across Australia and every time, I was left smiling and satisfied.

·      If you can snorkel the great barrier reef and NOT think about Finding Nemo, Welcome to the Guinness Book of WR’s

·      Don't ask, just do a 'Tim Tam Slam.' It's cool.

·      Fosters is, in fact, Australian for EXPORT.

·      Kangaroo meat is very tasty, but it presents a moral dilemma. As was pointed out to me, as Australia's national animal-it's like eating a bald eagle.

·      Clearly, I am obsessed with the food and Australian food is good. DJ Nolan would be proud.

·      If you are like me, you will think Didgeridoo's are really cool and culturally appropriate. You might also think, like me, you can pick one up and immediately play it. They are much harder than you think.

·      The Outback is hot and dry.

·      Air Conditioning in the Outback is more like a fan, blowing hot air into your room at a rapid rate.

·      Dingos are not easy to find.

·      It's the Southern Hemisphere, so go see some wild Penguins.

·       Kangaroos roam around like deer do in America. I was really excited to see wild 'roos and kept trying to imagine an Australian visiting America and being really pumped to see deer. It's just not the same.

·      As you might expect from an Island, the beaches are beautiful.

·      Not everyone surfs.

·       Australians just moved their clocks forward an hour for daylight savings time. In October. MIND. BLOWN.

·      Australian people are extremely friendly. And men like to wear skinny jeans. Maybe it's a cause and effect relationship.

·       Watching the sunset will never get old. Taking pictures of sunsets gets VERY OLD.

·      A truly enjoyable vacation. 

Thanks for Reading! 

(For more pics, see Facebook.)

Bras in the Cityyyy

Look at the picture above, and take 5 seconds to formulate a guess as to what you think is going on. And by picture above, I mean please view the pictures below. Think of it as a caption contest.

As opposed to the able fishing jetty

Bras- Get Some.

Contributions to the Caption Contest...

1.) Free Bra giveaway?
2.) Get Stuffed- national bra day in Australia?
3.) Strap em up?
4.) The cup runneth over?
5.) Wired for success?

Apologies for the terrible and tacky bra puns.  Not to mention the poor quality of the photos, but our car slowed for nobody.

The correct answer would be none of the above. This was in fact, a ploy to raise breast cancer awareness- which is what I'm sure you all guessed right off the bat.

Here's the rub: The local community South of St. Margaret's River in South West Australia was busily stringing lavender colored bras along the roadside. My geography is poor, but if anyone out there is the type that enjoys looking at maps, I'd estimate the bra parade began in the butt end of Busselton and stretched South for 5 kilometers, ending near the Cape Leeuwin Lighthouse.

5 Kilometers of bras. Every guy's dream. Too bad the ladies that occupied these bras were no where to be found.

I find this to be a great method of raising awareness. A unique, slightly humorous, but not over the top, method to spread the word about breast cancer. I admire this community's take on such a delicate and usually morbid subject.

Actual Life Goal Accomplished

Concert for the Kimberley-Federation Square Melbourne

We arrived back in Melbourne for the last few days of this holiday, back to enjoy some more time in my sister's current home city. One brisk morning I'm on may way to the famous Victoria Market in Melbourne for some relatively cheap souvenir shopping while thinking about how this holiday really couldn't get any better. I honestly believe that there are moments when fate strikes, when the stars align, when God intervenes, when plain dumb luck wins out, call it what you will. This was one of those moments. As I was approaching the market my foot kicked a piece of paper resting on the pavement in front of me. For some reason this measly scrap of paper broke me of my day dream and I looked down as I walked by, my eyes catching the words “Butler Trio” on the crumpled scrap of paper.

I stopped short and my first thought was “No. Fucking. Way.” Literally.  I wish I had thought something more poetic, but I ain’t Shakespeare. That moment is fixed in my memory. As I stooped and unfolded the paper on the ground, all of my wildest dreams fell into place. It was a poster advertising a benefit concert starring The John Butler Trio, an Australian group that has been one of my favorite musical acts since high school and that I have had the pleasure of seeing perform live on three previous occasions. What's more, the benefit concert was in Federation Square, the center of Melbourne slated for October 5^th. At first my heart plummeted because I realized October 5^th was the day before and I'd missed the show. But as I thought a little bit harder and sorted through the haze of days that warped into one, I realized that it was in fact the 5^th, and that I was in Melbourne on a night that John Butler was performing live.

I'm sure everyone has had moments where they can't believe their luck, where they are just waiting for someone to bring them back to reality, to find out that in fact the world is not perfect. That's a bit how this was for me. Before I arrived in Australia I sent my sister a message telling her to be on the look out for any good music while I was in town, especially if it involves John Butler. And through some pure dumb luck, enhanced by my inability to pick my feet up or watch where I was going I had literally kicked my way into achieving and item on my bucket list: seeing JBT live in his home country. For the record, I love John Butler and have for many years. He is one of the most musically talented individuals I have ever come across, and is very clearly passionate about his music. And his guitar solo “ocean” is the kind of music that makes people start playing guitar. It's pure magic. Literally, I could be his promoter; I love his music so much. And now I was going to see him live, for free, in Australia. Tick-off the bucket list.

The concert was called “Concert for the Kimberley,” a benefit concert to raise money and awareness about The Kimberley, a section of land in Western Australia that could soon be home to the world's largest natural gas distribution plant. So far, public support against the gas plant has delayed, but not prevented the project from going ahead. 8,000 people piled into Federation Square to “Save the Kimberley,” and John did not disappoint. Yet again, another amazing live performance that showcased his musicality and showmanship. The guy is good.

For me, I'm just happy to have the opportunity to support a good cause and achieve a life goal at the same time.

Here's a taste of how I think music should sound. If you've never listened to Mr. John Butler, check him out. (This is not from the concert I attended, but my recording does not do this song justice).

Australia's Tourist Capital

Finally the time arrived for us to visit Australia's most well known city: the home of the 2000 Olympic games, a good name for a girl, made even more famous by that movie about the little clownfish that could: Sydney, Australia. I bet if I walked down the streets of D.C. Doing a Jay Leno style walkabout interview that 9 of 10 people would tell me Sydney is the capital of Australia. I used to think the same as well, but in fact that would be a few hours north in Canberra. Fun fact of the day.

Balcony View

Sydney has always been my quintessential image of an Australian City. That image of course is I think the stereotypical American image of Down Under: famous buildings, beautiful beaches, SURFING, Kangaroos everywhere, and tons of culture and shit. Except for the kangaroos, Sydney has all of that, and an above average number of adult playgrounds throughout the city. Talk about an added bonus.

 In almost every conversation I've had with an Australian in the US or abroad, Sydney gets mentioned. Usually because I bring it up after I discover trying to talk about kangaroos, koalas, and platypuses is a conversation killer with the ladies. Whenever I mention Sydney, Australians are typically quick to let me know that Sydney is overrated. They say places like Melbourne and Adelaide have “heaps” more culture and are way more worth a visit. I feel like I can relate a little bit to their attitude though. Whenever I meet people abroad who want to visit the US for the first time they say they dream of going to California, or NYC, or DC. I always try and tell them about how those places are overly touristy and instead they should check out a relatively unknown, but great American Tradition: my hometown of Ijamsville. There tourists can enjoy Dunkin Donuts, check out our local emu farm, and enjoy an endless number of opportunities to go cow tipping- a more real American experience.

 Due to the subpar reviews I've received of Sydney in the past, I arrived with a bit of an inherent bias Maybe it wouldn't be that good. Maybe kangaroos don't roam freely; maybe Australians don't actually say “G'day Mate! I'll put another shrimp on the barbie!” (They don't, as far as I can tell by the way.) But now that I've visited and experienced Sydney life, I’m pretty much an expert and I am excited to report back.

Despite the lack of shrimps on barbies and wild 'roos, I think Sydney is a phenomenal city. Green parks interspersed with waterways and harbors, a gorgeous beach, AND most importantly: a double decker metro system. #Winning. We only stayed for two days, but the weather was amazing and we had enough time to hit some of the major attractions in the city.

The Sydney Harbor Bridge (or Harbour Bridge for the Aussie's and English out there) is the fifth largest single arch bridge (or something impressive sounding like that) in the world. I have the engineering IQ of a goldfish, but even I can appreciate the engineering feat behind such excellent, British bridge construction. Kindly funded by the rents, we did “The Bridge Climb,” an excessively touristy and ridiculously expensive (seriously I could have bought 5 new pairs of shoes for the price) climb up the Harbor Bridge to the summit. Conquering my aforementioned fear of heights, and following in the footsteps of such famous individuals like Ron Burgundy, Laurence “Morpheus” Fishburne, everyone's favorite champion of climate change Al Gore, that rebellious redhead recently caught holding the crown jewels, Prince Harry, and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, we successfully conquered the 1000 steps of the Sydney Harbor Bridge. It was everything you'd expect (except windy): spectacular views offering a complete panorama of the city. In fact, I was pretty sure I could see California in the distance. At the risk of sounding like an infomercial, the whole tour is three hours from start to finish, very safe, and all participants receive a free hat, the value of which cannot be overestimated. Despite the price tag, if you are in Sydney this is definitely a worthwhile stop. AND it was listed on Facebook as 100 things to do before you die. STATUS UPDATE!

If you visit the bridge, you have to see the Opera House. Literally, they are right next to each other. As someone famous once said “The Sydney Opera House is the best opera house in the world.” Of course, I've seen pictures of the Opera House and naturally I watched Santa fly by the Opera House on NORAD Tracks Santa every Christmas Eve until I was 20, (I know someone out there did as well), but now that I've seen it live, I have to say that it's a very ballsy design. A landmark like that takes some kahunas.  Designed by a Danish architect, he (whose name I've conveniently forgotten but probably sounds like Lars), like all good Scandinavians, ate a piece of fruit every day and the design of the opera house was inspired by the peels of his orange. AND, all of the different "peels" of the opera house can be folded into a perfect sphere. Thus, from the skin of Florida's best export was born one of the world's greatest landmarks. Funnily enough, during construction, like all good massive construction projects, the Opera House was at one point years behind schedule and millions over budget, with the government considering closing the project down. Lars the architect moved back to Denmark in protest and because he couldn't stand the more than 2 hours of sunshine on offer in Sydney during the winter months. As they say, the rest is history and the opera house eventually completed construction in 1973. Sadly though, Lars never forgave the government and he never returned to Australia to see his completed masterpiece before he died. He probably should have eaten more fruit and he might have lasted longer.

Sydney is great. I can understand the arguments for the overly touristy nature of the city and the lack of genuine culture. These things can be applied to all major cities around the world. The unique landmarks, the waterfronts, and the general atmosphere of the city make it absolutely awesome in my opinion. I'll go back any day. 

Thursday afternoon, 2pm. Just another working day

World famous surf, Bondi Beach

The Outback Mate!

Beauty!

After lots of convincing, exasperated looks, good old fashioned family arguments masquerading as "debates", and "Do we have to's?" we edited the itinerary a bit to ensure time for a visit to the Australian Outback. As the main instigator for our visit to the desert, I just kept to my refrain: "Trust me, you can't visit Australia and NOT see the Outback. It'll be totally worth it." I based my claims on some well placed sources who studied in Australia and claimed camping under the stars with the Dingo Eyes surrounding you in the darkness was the greatest piece of the whole experience in Australia. I just hoped they weren't wrong.

For my part, given my proclivity for nature and natural wonders (obvious if you've read other posts on this blog), I felt that going to the Outback was necessary. I weighed my natural ginger aversion to sunlight with my budding Crocodile Dundee sense of adventure and decided I'd regret it more not going than fighting the impending sunburn and struggle to find shade during the day. I feel like visiting Australia without seeing the Outback is a bit like going to Oktoberfest and asking for a glass of wine, or     going to Oktoberfest and trying to order a small glass of beer. Clearly, I have never been to Oktoberfest, but in my mind these activities run counter to the spirit of the beer festival. Just as visiting Australia and not doing a little stint in The Outback is criminal. As a good American tourist, the Outback is the essence of Australia-home to the greatest variety of poisonous animals, Bush People, and the place where the spirit of Steve Irwin lives on. 

I have now just realized that the two previous paragraphs are too excessive and don't have much to do with the actual point of this blog post, but as I have already written them, you the reader are stuck with them. And if you've got this far into the post, you must not have much to do at the moment either and might as well finish what you started, right? Ahem. Back on point: The Outback. Lets do it. From the air, the Outback looks just like a big, red, sandbox. Barren nothingness interspersed with the occasional tiny tree. Sadly, and surprisingly, there are no cacti to be found. We landed at the second tiniest airport I've ever been to, (eclipsed only by Pyongyang's International Capital Airport) and rented a car. As we commenced driving through the Outback, I had a fair chunk of time to appreciate exactly where I was at that moment. I think the scenery can only be described as both boring and encapsulating. Encapsulating because it's the Outback, and boring because it looks the same everywhere. But it's like a bad car crash. The more we drove, the more I wanted to look away but I just couldn't. The scenery draws you in like the latest Avril Lavigne Single. 

We, and most other tourists visited the Outback to see two major sites: Uluru and Kings Canyon. Uluru is a giant fuck-off rock in the middle of the otherwise flat landscape. Literally, the rock just seems like it was placed there by a crane, or dropped out of the sky. It stands 348 meters tall and and some 5 miles in circumference, and glows a burnished red color. For more information on the geological magic that led to Uluru, please see the trusty Wikipedia site. I was particularly excited to see Uluru because i used to harbor a pipe dream to have someone skydive in and scatter my ashes over this rock thus ensuring my successful afterlife, but after I learned this rock is a sacred Aboriginal Site, I've shelved the idea. I'll just have to find another massive rock more deserving of my remnants. Kings Canyon is an impressive....  you guessed it: canyon. Visitors can hike up the canyon and then complete the 4 mile hike around the rim, which offers breathtaking views of the canyon interior and surrounding landscape. Halfway through the walk we detoured to the Garden of Eden, a permanent waterhole inside the canyon surrounded by lush plant life. I searched long and hard for, but could not find an apple nor a snake to remake my own modern version of the story in Genesis. I imagine it would have been a remake along the lines of the Romeo and Juliet movie starring Leo as Romeo and Mercutio as a gun wielding enforcer with dreads. Except without the dreads.

Roughin' It

Approved Outback attire. Approved by me.

The Outback was amazing and totally worth a visit. It's really unlike anywhere else in the world i've been. In summary...

• There is a surprising diversity of brush for somewhere so barren. 
• Dingo's do not roam the desert as freely or obviously as I hoped. I was seriously let down by not seeing one dingo, even when I offered up my sister as bait. 
• Kangaroos can be easily spotted as roadkill, but seeing a live Roo is a damn sight harder.
• Traffic in the Outback means seeing more than 5 cars on the road over 100 kilometers.
• It's hot. And dry. And sunny. A ginger's paradise.
• There are three resorts available to guests across the Outback, thus confirming its tourist status. 
• Your clothes will get coated with a film of red dust. 
• Do not wear white shoes if you plan on keeping them white.
• Drinking five liters of water a day becomes the norm. You quickly become best friends with the nearest bathroom or bush. 
• People other than The Aboriginals actually live there. I guess that's how they keep the tourist industry going.
• Just when you think you've reached the other side of the world, you meet someone who works in the Outback from Cleveland. 
• There are 600,000 wild Camels living in the Outback. They are boss. 
• If you are into the stars, there is no better place in the world to go stargazing. If you want to impress a ladyfriend, take her stargazing in the Outback. If you want to get rid of this ladyfriend, take her stargazing in The Outback and ask her to find the Northern Star in the sky.
• It's unique, and just like a Snickers the Outback will leave you smiling and satisfied.

The Modern Garden of Eden

It's the Simple Things...

Australia definitely has been a land of firsts for me. First time I've ever seen a live Koala, first time I've ever ridden a camel, first time I've ever considered buying skinny jeans, first time I've ever been universally impressed by the quality of the coffee, and first time I've ever thought $16.50 was cheap for a dinner meal. More importantly than these, I have finally found something I thought previously impossible. That fickle friend fate has united me with quite possibly the most revolutionary, life-changing invention of my time: An efficient ketchup packet.

I don't hold grudges, and it's extremely difficult to find things in life that I actually hate. I'm usually that noncommittal, non-extreme kind of friend with whom you have to judge their feelings about an issue based on their interchangeable and consistent use of words like "nice, awesome, probably, and sure- I could do that." Let me be clear: I hate ketchup packets. It's not a brand thing, it's a universal hatred.  They are one of most consistent banes of my existence to date. Maybe no one else ever finds themselves using these things, but I have come across these damn packets enough times to warrant writing this post. Let me be clear: I despise Ketchup packets and am constantly on the lookout for ways to avoid coming into contact with these vile things, with quite the same vigor as David Hasselhoff attacked that now infamous cheeseburger. I could choose to hate drying off with a wet towel, or the feeling of seaweed around my leg, or something infinitely more distasteful and actually worth hating, but to date the ketchup packet remains my number one on a list of “Things that make me act like The Hulk.”#Firstworldproblems.

Let me quickly underline my reasons for hatred to prove it's not unjustified:

1. They Suck.
2. They are messy.
3. They really Suck.
4. They are difficult to open.
5. NO one ketchup packet has ever provided enough ketchup for more than three french fries.
6. They create unnecessary waste.
7. Give me a bottle of Ketchup like a real person.

See? Perfectly rational.

So here I am one day Down Under casually enjoying yet another delicious steak and mushroom pie when a family member unveils to me the invention that changed my world. I mean a rainbow appeared in the sky, the doves sang, Piers Morgan did not have his own talk show, sports style butt slapping replaced the high-five world wide, and my life now has its own soundtrack. I immediately demanded photos be taken of me using this gem of a condiment packet. There is a specific brand of ketchup packet on offer here in Australia that does three things:

1. Affords the hungry a usable amount of ketchup
2. Is actually convenient and easy to open
3. Makes me smile

This little genius of an invention is actually so simple I can't believe I've never encountered it before elsewhere. The ingenuity lies in the back of the packet, which is in the shape of two separate rectangles each containing their own dash of ketchup (See below). The user effortlessly squeezes the packet together and the ketchup squirts out of the front of the packet mess-free, leaving a large amount of ketchup in a specific spot on your plate.

Well in Australia.

First there was the lightbulb. Then This.

How I felt after using the packet:

Reefs n' Rainforests

One of the many redeeming (well, maybe just redeeming) qualities about traveling with your family is that they are often willing and able to afford expensive adventures that I myself would never consider if I were traveling solo. Consequently. The highlight of our stay in Port Douglas was a 2-day Reef n' Rainforest combo tour that really allowed us to take advantage of the two natural wonders in proximity to PD.

As it turns out, PD is a great vacation location not only because it's a fantastic beach town, but also because of its proximity to two, separate natural wonders: The Great Barrier Reef (GBR) and the Daintree Rainforest. I feel like the GBR needs no introduction. If you think GBR means Great Britain, then you need to brush up on your geography. If you have never heard of the GBR, then there is nothing more I can do for you. The Daintree Rainforest, on the other hand, is arguably the worlds oldest rainforest. It is especially cool because large parts of the rainforest grow very close to the Coral Sea, which is the big body of water off the coast of Port Douglas. Because many of the rainforest tree species cannot function in salt water, a very visible pattern of growth has developed between rainforest tree species, mangrove trees, and the coastal beach waters. Mangrove trees can survive in saltwater and they form a buffer between the sea and rainforest along much of the coast. 

I've been snorkeling before in Florida and Thailand, but nothing matches the underwater sights on view in the GBR. It's just an unbelievable reef teaming with wildlife. The tour boat took us to three different spots along the reef that are actually protected by laws designating them national marina parks. We saw small, brightly colored reef fish, other big fish, turtles, stingrays, and one reef shark. I really feel like it's the apex of the snorkeling world, even with my limited experience. I have also concluded that it is literally impossible to snorkel on the reef and NOT compare everything to “Finding Nemo.” Not joking, my sister and I described the fish in this manner: “I saw two Dory fish, only one potential Nemo, at least three of the fish with the scars, and none of the kind of fish who is obsessed with bubbles. Sadly, didn't see any Crushs.” I think the saddest part is that we both immediately knew what the other one was talking about. It's like being on a big boat and not standing at the front and yelling “I'm king of the world!” It's just about damn near impossible. It should be an unwritten law of this world. Kind of like the unwritten law which says that anyone human who wears flannel shirts also plays guitar. At least a little bit. 

The rainforest is nice.

Graffiti + Sense of Humor= famous road sign.

NEMO (almost)